Dark Paradise
by Kessafan
Summary: And there's no remedy for memory your face is, Like a melody, it won't leave my head. Every time I close my eyes, It's like a dark paradise. Inspired by the song Dark Paradise of Lana Del Ray. Ch 2 is DPOV.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi Everyone... Long time, no hear! **  
**Yesterday, I was listening to a song and suddenly a story popped into my head... This is it! It will only be two chapters but I had to get out... so here 'tis... Thanks to Sassy for her mad Beta skills... :-)**  
**I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think...**  
**I haven't forgotten Achilles, I'm still writing it... **

Song name: Dark Paradise by Lana Del Ray... Google it and listen, it really sets the mood for this little Two shot!

* * *

Rose

Another weekend….

Another 'get-together' as my friends like to say….

Eight months.

That's how long it's been.

"Do you want another drink Rose?" I turn away from the ocean, our ocean, and look at my best friend, Lissa.

"Nah, I'm right." I say holding up the drink I've been nursing for the last half hour. I can see in her eyes that she knows where my head is, it's on you… but I also know that she won't say anything. I know this because she hasn't said anything for the last three months.

Each day, I try to hide just how much pain is in my heart, but I know she sees it; she always has.

"Chris wants to put on a scary movie… You wanna join us?"

"In a bit; I won't be long." She gives me a tentative smile and a single nod of her head before turning back to the house and goes inside.

From my deck chair, I turn back to face the ocean. I can't see it really; it's too dark but I can see where it crashes against the sand… bubbling away in the light of the moon overhead.

I remember your smile. The shape of your perfect mouth, the fullness of your lips, the white of your teeth… even the deep, warm brown depths of your eyes, but what's becoming harder to remember is the sound of your laughter. I'm desperate to remember the deep timbre of your voice as it reverberates through my body and soul. What I do remember though, is how every time I heard it, it would light me up from the inside out. I smile at the memory; the pain recedes…

But then I remember…

You're no longer here…

And the deep fissure opens in my chest once again… The bleeding takes the place of the love that used to flow within me; strangely with the same intensity…

I can feel my friends watching me from inside our beach house. I can almost feel the burning of their eyes in the back of my head. I know they worry about me; I see it on their faces, in their eyes… I remember each and every time they've told me over the last few months that I need to let you go… that you're not coming back. I remember because _every single _time they said those words was like a knife to my very soul…

I don't know how to do what they want. I don't know how to live without you by my side. I don't know how to go on, or even how to _contemplate_ letting you go…

I'm stagnant.

In my life, in my pain… in my very soul.

Still, I'm aware that I'm barely putting one foot in front of the other most days. Then, when I have a good day, when I can actually find the strength to do something other than look out at the ocean and think of you, something will happen to bring me right back down…. A letter will arrive for you or some unsuspecting, ignorant telemarketer calls and asks if you're home…

The first time that happened, my heart literally stopped and my mouth ran dry; I couldn't move, I couldn't speak or hear anything but the thumping of my heart. I don't know how long I sat there, holding the phone against my ear but by the time I blinked and came back into myself, the person on the other end had long gone and there was nothing but silence around me.

A single tear fell from my eye and ran unhindered down my cheek at the memory of those calls. I stand up and walk towards the stairs that lead down to the soft sand. I watch as the powdery white sand squishes through my toes as I walk towards the water, then stop at the edge of where the soft sand starts to harden. I can see the water easily now and I watch as it ebbs and flows, back and forth.

I wrap my arms around my body and close my eyes against the pain of all the memories then a song flows into my head, a song that I've had on repeat for nearly as long as you've been gone. I know the words like the back of my hand now; they're imprinted in my brain and soul… Each line is like it's been written especially for me, for us.

All my friends tell me I should move on  
I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song  
Ahhh, that's how you sang it  
Loving you forever, can't be wrong  
Even though you're not here, won't move on  
Ahhh, that's how we played it

And there's no remedy for memory your face is  
Like a melody, it won't leave my head  
Your soul is haunting me and telling me  
That everything is fine  
But I wish I was dead

I hear the music that accompanies the words, the drum beat that almost resembles the stuttering of my heart whenever I see your picture on the walls of our home.

Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

It's true… It's my deepest fear. It's also the only reason that's kept me from doing something that would dump the pain I feel onto the shoulders of my friends and family… The lure of ending the pain is there every day but that would definitely ensure that I'd never be with you again. So, I endure…

My soul is split into two… There is a part of me that knows, a little voice deep inside that whispers for me to accept that you aren't coming back but then there is the other part of me that beats that voice into a bloody pulp every time it makes a noise.

Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

All my friends ask me why I stay strong  
Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on  
Ahhh, that's why I stay here

I know that I should do what my friends want but the loss of you was just so great, so _absolute _that I just can't…. It's like my very being has been totally and utterly destroyed.

I remember the first time Lissa asked me to come home, to sell the beach house and come back to everyone who loves me… I know she was only trying to help but I freaked the fuck out… Yelling and screaming; telling her to piss off and leave me the fuck alone, that this is _our _house and it would remain that way. I saw the pain in her face as the words spewed out of me but I couldn't help myself. I felt terrible about the things I said later on when I calmed down. I called her and apologised; it was you actually that showed me what I'd truly done to my friend. Your voice had surrounded me… _'Roza… don't…. Everything is fine, I'm fine… tell her you're sorry.' _

And there's no remedy for memory your face is  
Like a melody, it won't leave my head  
Your soul is haunting me and telling me  
That everything is fine  
But I wish I was dead

Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you

But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight

They lie you know… '_They'_, the ones who say that time heals all wounds…. But they're wrong, they lie… Time has only made my wounds worse. I feel as if I'm just _floating _through my life, waiting… I'm not sure for what, but I do know that _something _won't let me move away from the pain I felt the day you were no longer in my life…

There's no relief, I see you in my sleep  
And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me  
There's no release, I feel you in my dreams  
Telling me I'm fine

Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you

As the song in my head starts to come to a close, I know that the music will stop suddenly… just like my life eight months ago. I watch the waves in front of me crashing, then move closer to my feet. I'm not sure how much more I can bear before I finally lose myself; before I finally snap.

I can't help but sing along with the last words of the song in my head, even though the hands of emotion have my throat firmly in its grasp….. they just need to said… out loud.

"But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight"

I'm so tired…. Physically, emotionally, spiritually… I just want to close my eyes…for a really, really long time. Because I'm really starting to fear for my sanity.

_Baby…._

"Great!" I whisper to myself. "Now you can hear him when you're awake too… You've hit a new personal low, Rose." The whispered sound is different than normal though, it sounds almost as pained as I feel…

_Roza…_

My chest hurts…

The fissure gets a little wider… Why can't the pain just leave me for one night? Maybe I should have taken up Lissa's offer of alcohol. I take a deep breath and give our ocean one last look before I go back inside.

"I love you." I whisper into the night. "I always will."

_As I love you._

I sniff back the tears that threaten to fall and turn around.

Then I stop.

I'm confused… My brain can't comprehend what's in front of me…

I close my eyes…

"Damn…" I mutter softly. "It finally happened. The pain finally sent me mad. Huh…" I opened my eyes and everything is still there, _him _in uniform. "I guess this is better than… the last eight months, yeah, I can live with this… this is better."

"Roza. Baby, it's me…"

For a split second, I wonder if I should tell Lissa about this new development. Hallucinations are normally a warning sign that the end is near for you. Maybe I should be in a padded cell… "Why now? Why after all this time am I only seeing him now?"

"Rose…" My phantom love moves closer and I'm taken by the fact that its legs actually move. The strangeness of it is startling, I would have thought he'd just move… float forward, like a ghost. "I'm really here."

"Yeah…"

"Oh, my love, you're not hallucinating, it really is me."

I can't help but giggle. "Yup… I'm talking to myself. Oh God… it's worse, I'm talking to my own delirium. Fuck… no wonder everyone was so worried."

My half-hearted humour dies away as I watch his hand rise up from his side. "You're not mad baby, I'm really home. I'm going to touch you, okay?"

_If only… _

I watch…

"I'm real baby. I love you, I missed you so much."

Then it happened.

The feeling of something touching my cheek is so shocking, I'm not even aware of the fact that my body has jumped away as if it's been scalded by a hot iron… The loose sand beneath my feet gives way and I fall backwards. I land hard and the surprised gasp of air that I'd just pulled into my lungs is suddenly forced back out.

"Rose!" My attention is pulled away from the pain that is reverberating through my body at the sound of his voice… "Are you alright?"

I look into the eyes of my missing love; eyes I'd been dreaming of for months now. My brows knot together in confusion; if I was sane I'd almost believe this was real. His hand reaches out to me again and I recoil. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no…." I mutter as I scoot backwards. "I didn't feel that! I didn't feel that! It's not real, it's just a hallucination Rose, you're just…" I gasp in surprise as the cold ocean water hits against my back.

"_Lissa_!" His raised voice snaps me out of my rambling and I look back into the eyes of the man that has owned my heart for more than a decade, they look scared. Why would he be scared?

"_Rose_, _Rose_…" I rip my eyes away from the vision in front of me and see my best friend running to me. Should I tell her? She's going to want to know why I'm sitting in the water and freaking out… I look back and he's still there. "Rose, calm down…"

"Lissa… I'm _so_ sorry." I cry. "I should have listened to you, I should have listened…"

"Rose, what's wrong?" She drops into the sand beside me and I stare up at her with wide eyes.

"I've finally snapped, I'm so sorry…"

"Oh, sweetie…"

"Roza." His voice brings me back and I whip my face around to look at him. "Look at me baby, I'm really here. Touch me… I'm back."

"I can see him Lissa." I whispered, not taking my eyes off him.

"Rose…" I can feel her trying to turn my face to hers but I can't stop looking at him.

My eyes are starting to burn.

"Shit…" my dream cures. "I should've called first, I didn't think…. Roza, please… take my hand baby, it's really me. Let me explain, please."

"Listen to him Rose."

It took a second for her words to register…. I spun around to look at her; my heart was thumping so hard it was starting to hurt. "What did you say?"

"You're not seeing things, sweetie, it really is him; he's really here." She's crying…. I watch her eyes lift – in his direction.

_She can see him too? _

I look back… to open arms… "I love you baby. I'm really home."

He goes blurry…. Burning tears fall….

"Dimitri….?" I somehow strangle out.

"Yeah baby, it's me." Hallucinations don't cry. _Shit!_

"Oh God…." Before I even register the thought, I'm up and slamming into his body. _It's real! I can feel him; he's not a figment of my impending psychosis… _ "It's you, it's really you." I'm aware that we're now lying on the sand, me on top, but all I can do is look at him, touch him.

"You scared me babe." He said holding my face in his hands. "I'm so sorry Roza, I'm so fucking sorry."

"I thought you were… I didn't want to believe it. Everyone kept saying that you were… that it'd been too long, that… that you couldn't still be…"

"I know… Shhhh." His thumbs wiped across my cheeks, his eyes flicking between my eyes and different parts of my face. "I've missed you so much, missed this beautiful face so much."

Then his lips were on mine… Finally, after eight long, depressing months, I feel his warm, soft lips against me once again and I can't hold in the emotions any longer. Gut wrenching sobs explode as we desperately cling to each other. I want to crawl into his body, crawl in so deep that I'll _never_ be away from him again, never lose him again.

I feel him sitting up but our mouths are still joined. The taste of his tongue against mine is like walking into your childhood home after many years away… _Home! _When he pulls away, I'm desperate to hold him to me. "I'm not going anywhere love… I promise. Never again; I'll never leave you again Roza but let's go back to the house, it's fucking freezing down here."

My desperation to believe that I'm really _not _having the wickedest of delusions of all time makes me cling to him like flies on shit… My face buries into his neck as my arms wrap tightly around his neck, my legs follow suit around his waist. It may not be easy for him to get up with me like this, but I don't give a flying fuck, he's in my arms and that's where he's gonna stay.

An hour later, I'm still curled up on his lap, still firmly attached around his body. I've heard every word that he's said in explanation as to his capture. I was never happy about him going off to fight. I was proud of him and his desire to fight for his country but I'd always hated the thought that one day he wouldn't come home to me… and then it happened. But I know now that I'm luckier than a lot of people. He did come home... eventually. It may have taken longer than either of us wanted but he was finally here. The injuries he's sustained means that he will never return, he'd never be in danger again and for that I couldn't help but be thankful.

His rescue had happened only 36 hours before. Intelligence on the location of a POW had been leaked by a local and the army had gone in, 'guns-a-blazin', finding Dimitri in a make-shift cell months after he'd been taken in a raid. His captors hadn't been all that kind and he'd only received rudimentary medical help for the gun shot and broken bones; he'd also lost a lot of weight. After a quick evaluation and debrief, he hightailed it home to me. And in his eagerness, he didn't call to warn me.

The images his tale invokes in my mind make the room disappear…. I'm locked in my own head…

I see the camaraderie between Dimitri and those he serves with… I know they will protect each other to the death…

He was there only two months when everything went to shit.

=_Flashback_=

_I can hear someone knocking at the front door, so I race down the staircase… _

"_Coming…" I yell out. The door opens with a smile on my face, but it soon disappears as I see the people who stand in front of me… "No…." _

_My head's shaking in disbelief…. Not Dimitri…_

"_Mrs Belikov, may we come in please?"_

_My stomach flips and clenches…_

_=x=_

_Missing… Not dead… Missing_

"_We're doing everything we can to locate your husband, Mrs Belikov."_

_Not enough… _

_It's what I want to say._

_=x=_

_I sit in utter shock and desperation on the rear deck of the beach house after they leave, looking out over our ocean. Wet and dried tracks of salty tears line my face… _

_You're not dead… I'd feel it if you were. I know I would._

"_Rose, where are you woman?" _

_I hear the voice of my best friend but only enough to know she's inside the house._

"_Rose, whatya doin' out here, it's freezing? Rose, are you listening to me? Rose?"_

_=x=_

"_Rose, honey… it's been nearly six months. They've called off the search. Come home… It's not doing you any good living out here all on your own."_

_She thinks he's dead._

_=x=_

_I stand at the top of the staircase listening to Lissa and Chris talk. I know I shouldn't, but I can't walk away._

"_I'm so worried Chris… she's not getting any better."_

"_I know you are babe, but she has to work this out for herself. You can't make the hurt go away for her, no matter how much you want to."_

"_I feel like I've lost her. My best friend died when Dimitri did. I want her back."_

_I squeeze my eyes shut… 'He's not dead', I want to scream… _

"_She may never come back Liss…."_

_=x=_

"Roza." I come out of my head at the feel of his lips against my forehead; his hand pressed against my cheek. I look up into eyes that I never thought I'd see again and more tears fall… "Oh baby."

I shudder against the feel of his gentle kiss. "Hold me…" I whisper.

"Forever." He says as he stands up with me in his arms. He turns in the direction of our bedroom and I notice that we're now alone, I didn't even hear everyone leave. From where I have my face buried in the warmth of his neck, I feel myself jostled slightly and then I hear the loud clunking of his shoes as they hit the floor. He lays me gently on our bed but I'm scared to let him go… "I'm not going anywhere, beautiful… just let me get out of these."

Reluctantly, I release my hold and watch as he unbuckles his belt and his uniform is slowly discarded, leaving him in cotton boxers and an army issued t-shirt. When he slips in between the sheets, my body instinctively moves in closer; it's almost magnetic. Instantly, I feel my body sigh in relief as he envelops me in his scent and embrace….

_I remember this… It's a feeling I haven't felt in nearly a year… Safe, grounded._

"I love you." His whispered proclamation is said again and again each and every time his lips touch my skin. His hands touch me everywhere… remembering, reconnecting, then his thumb gently traces my lips before he leans forward, silently showing me how much he loves me.

So gentle… So loving…

The pain of my heart restarting is almost as bad as when it died…

"I've missed you so much, my love…" His voice is choked with pain. "So very, very much. Picturing you in my mind kept me alive, kept me from giving up, so many times. I couldn't just die…"

I gasp at his admission; a memory is brought forward….

_I want to die so badly… I just want to give up, the pain is too great, I can't do it anymore. I try to think of how I want to stop the pain… but then I see his face, the face of my love. The man whom I have loved for more than a decade and I know if I do something stupid, I'll never see it again… I know I can't do what I want to do…_

_I endure…_

"I nearly died without you…" I cry… "My heart did…"

"I'm so sorry, you'll never know how much. I'm so glad you held on for me Roza, so glad…"

"I need you…"

"You have me. Forever."

I feel the light of life start to fill the dark empty places of my soul that were left open and weeping in the wake of Dimitri's disappearance. I never thought I'd feel this again and I found myself taking note of every touch, every breath, every word as our bodies and souls came together….

"You are my life Roza, the very essence of what keeps my heart beating."

I felt the truth of his words reverberate within me. After all, they were my truth also… he was the very air that kept me alive… tethered to this earth.

Even with all the evidence in front of me, everyone's words… my soul knew he was not lost to me. It wouldn't let me give up, to stop believing…

We were one and would be till the end of time….

As our bodies soared, the fissure that had split me in half for months now finally closed… The coldness of despair, thawed and hope for the future bloomed up inside.

I had him back….

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Well, there you have it... Next chapter will be from our favourite badass... Dimitri!

Let me know what you think...


	2. Chapter 2 Paradise Lost

Hi... This is Dimitri's POV of Dark Paradise, I hope you enjoy it... I tried to research as much as possible and would like to thank Gabriel Logynn Miller for all of his help with getting the 'Military stuff' right... Sassy and Angela, as always girls, thank you... I love you both! I did a bit of fiddling since they checked this over, so any mistakes are mine...

Enjoy!

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**Paradise Lost**

**DPOV**

Another sunrise…

Another day alone here in hell…

It's been months since my capture.

I'm not exactly sure how many months, but I know it's been a bloody long time; long enough to know that anyone of any importance in my life has probably given up hope that I'm still alive.

My mind goes back to _that _day… I remember my heart thumping with adrenalin… Fear, confusion, pain and anger were but a few of the emotions that flooded through my body as I lay bound and hooded in the back of my attacker's vehicle. I remember the many plans of possible escape that flooded my brain too. The different scenarios were quickly hatched and thought out one after the other, I didn't know if I'd ever have the chance to implement any of them but my training had kicked in full force.

Yet the one constant in the back of my mind the whole time was Rose… She was my heart, my life, my constant… my wife. I had to get away… for her, for us.

That was the day my life changed so devastatingly…

_=x=_

_I was now a couple of months into my last ten months of my four year tour. Two months ago, I'd gone through the most emotional separation from the love of my life. I can honestly say it was the first time that going AWOL actually went through my mind … But I knew it was useless and I eventually tore myself out of her arms and boarded the flight that took me away from my Roza._

"_So, are you coming back after this tour Sarge?"_

_I looked up from the map in my lap and looked over my left shoulder to Tanner; he was one of the nine men of my squad and was sitting behind the driver in the back seat. I instantly thought about what Rose went through before I left for this hell-hole; the fear she had of me not returning to her that I knew she tried to hide. It took only seconds for me to know my answer, an answer I'd been stewing on for the last few months._

"_Nah… This'll be my last. I have a beautiful woman waiting for me at home, what in the hell makes you think I'd choose your ugly mug over her?"_

_The men's laughter rang out in our Humvee…_

"_A little bit of lippy and a nice dress and you'd never know the difference Sarge!" The youngest member of our unit called out._

"_Trust me Ashford, no amount of makeup on _that _face would even come close to…"_

_That's all I got out…_

_I'm not sure how long it took my brain to register the cause of the pain that wracked my body… My eyes clenched tight as I tried desperately to pull in the oxygen that was just forced out of my body by the shockwave of some sort of explosion; it felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. The force that had slammed against my body had me disorientated and seeing stars._

"_Tanner…." I called out in a weak and scratchy voice. The simple exertion of trying to speak had pulled in dry air and sand into my painful lungs. Desperately, I tried to blink away the black, blotchiness clouding my vision. "Tanner… Where are you?"_

_I could hear the rapid popping of automatic fire from outside of our truck and I knew I had to pull myself together and fast. My breathing picked up in relation to the amount of adrenaline that now surged through my veins, the smell of blood, smoke, dirt and gun powder assaulted my senses…_

"_Sarge…"_

_The sound of his voice snapped my muddy brain into gear. I had men to look after, friends… brothers. Twisting myself out of the position I'd been thrown into was painful to say the least but I soon made my way over to Tanner. One look told me that he didn't have long._

"_Shit… get a… message… Sonya. Love her." His words were cut off with a spluttering cough moments before his eyes glazed over and the light of his life left his body. I said a quick, silent prayer and goodbye to my brother-in-arms and looked up to see that Ashford was already gone._

_So young…_

_Making my way out of the mangled vehicle, I saw that most of my men were still alive. I called out to Corporal Alto who'd been in the other truck to grab some more ammo while I and three others laid cover fire. He never made it. The moment I heard the impact of the bullet hitting him, my attention was diverted… it was no longer where it should have been. That's when I was hit._

_My left shoulder and chest exploded in hot pain and I went down from the impact. I must have hit my head, because after that, everything went black._

=x=

I was brought out of my memory by a loud clanging. I looked up from my thin bedding in the corner of my prison to see my captor open my door and push in a tray of food. The usual guard stood behind him with a look on his face that transcended the language barrier… He wanted me to make a move, any move that would allow him to finally pull that trigger but I had something that kept me rooted to my spot… Roza. I had to get home to her and not in a box.

"_Eat_!" This was one of about a dozen English words my captors spoke. I hadn't known much of the local language before I was captured but I worked out enough at the time to know that they didn't know if they should just kill me immediately and save them problems or try to ransom me off to the U.S. army. Obviously they chose the latter, as here I was months later and still alive…

They laughed and taunted me as I stayed where I was; my eyes were the only thing that moved as I watched the men walk away from my cell. I learned _that_ particular lesson quickly… It had been a week after arriving and my shoulder where I'd been shot was still painful and a little bit hot. I hadn't been fed to that point, only given meagre amounts of water, so the sight of food had me scrambling to the front of my cell, but before I could get a single morsel into my mouth, the butt of the rifle slammed into my sore shoulder before coming down to my head, knocking me out. By the time I came to, pain now radiated through my skull and my lone companion was making a feast of the slop I'd been given. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to stop the dizziness, I pushed off the dirt floor, scared the rat back to wherever he went when he wasn't with me and dug into the foul tasting food in front of me. I didn't want to know what it was but whatever it was, it didn't agree with me. Within an hour, it came back up, violently.

I was punished for that too. That was the first time they broke my ribs. It wasn't long after that that I saw the woman for the first time.

Over the course of what was probably months, I'd watch as she'd appear quietly at the end of the corridor that was opposite to the front of my cell after I was fed and the men walked away. I'd noticed almost immediately that she was somehow different to everyone around me, what little skin I could see was paler and the bridge of her nose more angular – western looking, but it was her eyes that made her stand out the most. The closest color I could come up with was either Jade or Turquoise…

It wasn't until maybe one or two months ago, after yet another beating session from my captors that left me with what felt like a re-broken arm and smashed hands that I was once more in need of her makeshift doctoring. I hadn't known at the time, but she'd always been the one who was made to patch me up. That last beating was when my suspicions were concerned.

"I'm sorry." She said softly as she cleaned my wounds. It was said so softly that I almost didn't understand the words. But what I _did_ understand was her accent. _British_… It was slight, but it was there. My heart sped up in desperate hope that she would be the one to get me out of here.

"Help me." I said back just as soft. A quick shake of her head and she disappeared. My heart stopped. "_No…_" I whispered to myself. It was two days later before I saw her again. Each day, she'd inch closer down the corridor but her eyes darted around her in deadly fear. I knew what she feared. As much as I was their prisoner, she was probably more at risk of losing her life than I was. I heard the guard call out to her one day… _Fairuz… _So at least I knew her name.

"I don't know how to help." She whispered. "I'm always watched."

I nodded in understanding. "Are you allowed to leave here?"

"Sometimes."

"Do you go anywhere that you see soldiers?" She nodded. Her eyes and ears were constantly on full alert. "Can you get a hold of some paper and a pen?" She was confused so I quickly explained…

"I can give you a quick message for you to pass to the soldiers." At the mention of her approaching soldiers, her eyes widened in panic so I tried to explain. "No, no… All you have to do is walk in front of them and drop it at their feet. They'll come for me… for _us_… if you want."

Her eyes flashed to mine and I could see the desperation to escape. "For me?"

"I'll put in the note that you helped me and need rescuing; that you're British."

Her face crumpled and her eyes watered in hope. She nodded quickly but before we could say anymore, she was gone. Her ears picking up the arrival of my… _our _captors before mine did. The next two days were horrible when she didn't come back. I feared that she'd been caught trying to help me and then hurt or killed so when she finally arrived with an armed guard and carrying my tray of slop, I had to scowl my features so that I wouldn't show my utter relief.

I only went to my food once they'd gone and then when I lifted up the bowl, I found a folded up piece of paper that had what I assumed was directions to or the actual address of where I was and a small burnt stick. I didn't understand what the stick was for at first but then I realised that she couldn't hide a pen on the tray. She was smart… The little, blackened piece of wood gave me something that I could write with, and write I did… The paper wasn't very big so under the girls writing I put down my serial number, signature and three letters… P.O.W. Then, on the other side I wrote… _My saviour is British, help her._

After eating, I kept the note with me until I was sure she'd be the one to retrieve my empty tray. When I heard footsteps, I pressed my face against the bars to see who was coming; seeing the girl, I let out the breath I'd been holding before slipping the note back under the bowl.

She kept her eyes down as she approached then bent to pick up my tray but once out of the sight of the man behind her, her eyes flicked up to mine. I looked quickly at the bowl before looking back to her and hoped with everything in me that she understood what I was trying to say…. _Under the bowl… Under the bowl…._

It was roughly two or maybe three days later that I saw Fairuz again. My cell door was opened and she bent down to place my tray of food on the ground. She kept her face pointed to the ground but looked up at me under her lashes. I nearly cried as I watched her wink at me…. Now all I could do was hope.

Hope came three days after that.

I was sitting in my cell; memories of my life with my beautiful wife were once again playing through my mind. The noises outside weren't enough to pull my attention away at first but it didn't take long to recognise the sound of automatic rifle fire before the yelling and the screaming joined in.

"_Check down the stairs!" _My eyes closed at the sound of American voices. I smiled and couldn't help the strained laugh of relief bubble out of me before making my way to the front of cell. As I heard screaming coming from above, I couldn't help but worry about Fairuz, I hoped with everything in me that she didn't get caught in the crossfire.

"Belikov! Sergeant Belikov!"

"Here…" My voice was quite croaky as I very rarely spoke and when I did it was only in a whisper to Fairuz. I cleared my throat and hoped I could yell loud enough to be heard over the ruckus going on upstairs. "HERE! I'm down here!" I watched desperately to my left… "Here…."

I'm not ashamed to say that I shed a tear when I saw a familiar face… "God, it's good to see you… I thought you were dead."

"Takes more than these bastards to kill me, Castile." I saw movement behind him and my eyes flicked to his left. Fairuz… thank God. Castile caught my eye movement but before I could say anything, he spun to attack… "_NO_!" I yelled.

"_Don't move_…" Eddie growled out at the now terrified woman.

"_No_ Ed… she's the one that helped me. This is Fairuz."

"Natalie… My name is Natalie."

"Well, Natalie," Eddie said with a smile. "Let's see about getting my friend out of here. Move away man…" He said as he pointed his handgun to the lock of my cell. Before he got a chance to fire, Natalie's hand reached out with a key…

"This would be easier." I couldn't help but laugh.

=x=

Sitting in the back of the truck, I wrapped my arm around Natalie and looked around at the faces of the men around me. Some I knew, some I didn't but all I could think of was getting home to my wife.

"So, Natalie… How did you find yourself here?" Eddie asked. I looked down to the girl whose face I was seeing for the first time and waited to hear her story.

Apparently, her English mother had met and married an Iraqi and started a family straight away… Natalie was the youngest of three daughters. When she was fifteen, she and her two older sisters were taken to 'visit' their father's estranged family. It only took the girls a few hours to understand that their father had sold them into marriage. That was three years ago. She had no idea what happened to her sisters, she hadn't seen them since that fateful day and the only time she did ask, she was beaten so badly that she'd lost the child she'd been pregnant with… since then, she hadn't fallen pregnant again.

The realisation of that part of her story was rather bittersweet. One would deduce that the beating had done so much damage that she could no longer fall pregnant and I think she was happy about that but on the other hand, now… with a new life in front of her, it was something else that had been stolen from her.

"Why did they give you that name?" Eddie asked.

"Fairuz… it means Turquoise… for my eyes." There wasn't much else said for a while and as usual, my thoughts turned to my wife.

"I need to call Rose as soon as I we get back." I said to Eddie.

"They'll want to debrief first and you'll need to see the doc for those injuries, you know that."

He wasn't wrong. No matter what I said once we'd made it back to base, they wouldn't let me contact anyone until I'd given a complete rundown of my last _eight _months… Eight…. I couldn't believe it. I knew it had been a long time, but… The ache in my chest that had been with me all along only increased at the thought of what Rose must have been going through all these long months, but eight months was a long time… Had she given up? Had she accepted that I was probably dead and moved on with her life? The thought of that nearly ripped my soul in two… I wasn't real sure on how I'd handle that if that was really what had happened.

Suddenly the thought of calling her didn't sound so good… Suddenly, I knew that I had to see for myself first and then worry about how to handle things… The medical exam hadn't gone well. Multiple broken and healed ribs…. My right arm that had been broken during one of my many interrogations had mended badly, a shattered scapula from being shot, broken hands that had not long been healed. They informed me that at some point in the near future, I would have to go in to have things re-broken and set correctly but right now, now all I could think of was getting home.

Before leaving, I was informed that because of my injuries, I would be given a medical discharge. The closer I got to home, the more nervous I became. I didn't know what to expect when I got there, what I'd find. Because of my injuries and a favour from my previous Lieutenant who was especially happy to see me alive. I don't know who was more shocked at the hug she gave me when I hobbled into my home base; me, Lieutenant Kirova or the dozen or so other people in the room. "You're one tough son of a bitch Belikov, you know that?"

Now, here I am… sitting behind Kirova's personal driver and pulling up in front of the beach house I hopefully still shared with my Roza. "I'll stay until I know you want me to leave." Corporal Croft said with a salute as I got out of the car.

"Okay, thank you Corporal." I walked up to the house and watched as the curtain beside the door moved… I wasn't sure who it was, but all I did see was blonde hair, I was suddenly nervous of who was behind that door. Moments later, the door was flung open…

"Dimitri?" I smiled as I recognised Lissa… "Oh…. Oh my… God…." Tears streamed down her face as she ran to me. I watched as Chris and Adrian stood behind him, both in a state of shock. I staggered as Lissa slammed into me.

"Gees, you're stronger than you look Princess." All I could do was hold her while she sobbed. I looked up to see Adrian looking off to the back of the house and wondered if he was looking at Rose.

"Oh God… you're really alive, oh my God…." She babbled.

"Liss… I love you and I love the greeting, but I really need to see my wife. Is she here?" I could hear the hesitancy in my voice.

"Yeah…" she said as she nodded and wiped her face clear of the tears and snot. "She's… down by the water."

I thought it odd, it was more than a little chilly tonight, I couldn't work out why she'd be down on the beach. I turned around and waved to Kirova's driver, sending him back to base and let Lissa walk me into the house.

"How is she Liss?"

"Not good. She took your disappearance really hard; she's never really bounced back. She's not the Rose she was when you left D…" Her words brought tears to my eyes and broke my heart. I knew it would have been hard for her, but for me to survive, I couldn't let myself think of just how hard it could have been for her.

"It's good to have you back man." Chris said as we made it into the house. Everyone walked with me to the patio doors but only I walked outside. "Now, go heal her heart and bring her back to all of us."

There I saw her… "Roza…" I said in a strangled voice. Instantly, I could see how much thinner she was, even at this distance. I moved further and further down the sandy beach and as I drew closer, I could hear the deep emotion in her voice as she sang… That and the words she sang were hard to hear.

_But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight…  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight…_

As she faced the ocean, her arms wrapped around her torso as if to hold herself together, I could hear her anguish… the almost desperate edge to her voice and it felt like my heart was being squeezed beyond reason.

"Baby…" I whispered. I didn't want to scare her. I read in between the lines of what Lissa had said; that coupled with her thin frame and broken voice, I knew I had to take this reunion slow and gentle.

"Great… Now you can hear him when you're awake too…. You've hit a new personal low Rose."

_She thinks she's hearing things…._ I turned back to the house to see everyone watching, though Lissa was now on the sand at the bottom of the steps.

"Roza…" I watched as she cringed at the sound of her name but she obviously still thought I was a figment of her imagination. I didn't know what to do. Should I reach out and touch her… speak up…? She took a deep breath and straightened herself slightly….

"I love you," she said in a strangled whisper. "I always will."

"As I love you…." I still wasn't sure she realised I was actually standing behind her. She sniffed back her tears and turned… What I saw shattered me even further than I thought I could…

My beautiful Roza…

Her body, face and soul were wracked in pain, something I've never seen before and to know that it was me that had put her through that was something that I would never forgive myself for. I could see the confusion in her eyes before she shut them.

"Damn… It finally happened. The pain finally sent me mad. Huh…" When her eyes opened and I was still in front of her, something changed in her eyes, I hoped it was recognition. "I guess this is better than… the last eight months, yeah… I can live with this… this is better." She whispered.

_No…. She thinks she's hallucinating…_

"Roza. Baby, it me…"

This was just the start of the next soul destroying twenty minutes. I watched as pain, confusion, acceptance of madness all crossed over her beautiful features and it seemed nothing I did or said would convince her that I was really here. When she recoiled from my touch, it made me desperate. I called out for Lissa, who I knew had started to make her way down the beach when our reunion didn't go as we'd all thought it would.

It was only her words…. _"Listen to him Rose." _ …that seemed to break through the disbelief at what she was seeing.

"What did you say?" I could tell she wanted to believe but was scared to all the same.

"You're not seeing things sweetie, it really is him; he's really here." I looked up to our good friend, seeing how Rose's reaction was breaking her heart. When she looked over to me, I could almost hear her say… _It's all up to you now… _

Then my beautiful wife looked back to me and I opened my arms… "I love you baby. I'm really home." I could only hope the tears that streamed from her eyes were a good thing…

"Dimitri?" The desperate plea in her voice was loud and clear… she wanted to believe but would be crushed if I wasn't real.

With my own tears falling freely, I spoke…. "Yeah baby, it's me."

"Oh God…" I barely had time to brace before she slammed into me; it hurt when we slammed back into the hard sand but it only just registered for a second once I looked up into her beautiful face. "It's you, it's really you." She sobbed. Her eyes flittered everywhere as her hands desperately touched my face and chest.

"You scared me babe. I'm so sorry Roza, I'm so fucking sorry." I knew we'd be doing a lot of talking over then few days, but I wanted… no, _needed_ to get that out there right away. I would be forever sorry for putting her though the last eight months. I know it wasn't completely my fault, but the guilt was there none the less….

I couldn't wait any longer; I needed to kiss her…. Desperately. I slipped my hands from her face to the back of her head and closed the distance between us. The feeling of finally being _this _close to her again was almost overwhelming. There were times when I almost conceded defeat and to feel her soft lips against mine again was pure and utter bliss. I couldn't even stop when Rose started sobbing; if anything, it made me kiss her deeper, plundering her hot, wet mouth with my tongue…. reassurance for me as well as for her. To taste her again was something I'd spent the last eight months dreaming about.

When I felt water hit my side from the incoming tide, I knew we had to move. Rose started to panic a little when I pulled away, so again I tried to reassure her that I wasn't going anywhere ever again… She clung to me, something I could totally understand. I tried to stand up but with my injuries it was proving more difficult than I was comfortable with. I was grateful for the hand that eventually came into my field of vision.

I looked up to see Adrian. I knew they had all stayed on the rear deck of the house when I first came out here so it didn't surprise me that he was close at hand when I needed help. "Thanks…" I said quietly once I was on my feet. It was only now with her in my arms that I could really tell how much weight she'd lost. With a nod, we made our way up to the house where Lissa was crying in her husband's arms.

I knew our friends would leave if I asked them to but I could see that they were desperate to know what had happened, so for the next hour I sat with Rose clinging tightly to me on my lap and gave them a run through of what the last eight months of my life had been like. I don't know how much Rose heard, she never really lifted her head away from my neck.

They all wanted to hear more about my saviour, wanted to make sure that she had whatever she needed to move forward in her life after being sold by her father. They were good people and I was glad that my wife had them around her since my capture.

"We'll get going," Lissa said as she stood. "There's food in the fridge if you guys get hungry. Call if you need us, we won't be far away."

"Thanks Liss."

I watched them leave and took a deep breath, revelling in being alone with my wife again after so long. "Roza…" I said before kissing her forehead. My heart stuttered as I watched tears fall from her eyes. "Oh, baby."

"Hold me."

"Forever." Standing up was easier this time; her lighter weight enabling me to carry her to our room. I sat on the edge of the bed and somehow unlace my boots one handed, it wasn't easy but I did it. I kicked them off before standing and turning to face the bed. I laid her down so that I could get out of my uniform but she didn't want to let go… "I'm not going anywhere beautiful; just let me get out of these clothes." Reluctantly, she let me go but her eyes never wavered from me as I stripped down.

When I looked back at her, I couldn't help but stand there and just… take her all in. I almost had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming again…

My wife… lying on _our _bed, our _soft _bed, looking at me as if I hung the moon… but scared I'd disappear before her very eyes if she looked away.

I climbed in and the feel of the cotton sheets beneath me was so familiar yet so strange after sleeping on dirt covered in an inch of scratchy woollen fabric for nearly a year. But it was when Rose moved into my arms that I truly felt like I was finally home. I buried my nose into her neck, breathing in her unique scent and kissed the skin beneath my lips, my tongue instinctively coming out to taste…. I've always loved the taste of her skin.

"I love you…" I kissed her jaw. "I love you." I kissed her cheek. "I love you." I kissed behind her ear. I couldn't stop… It had been so long. The longer my nose breathed in her scent, the more worked up I got. Feeling her soft skin under my hands once more was like heaven. I looked up from her neck and our eyes connected; I could see so much in them. Her lips parted, drawing my eyes… I couldn't help but touch them.

Nearly every night of my imprisonment, I'd dreamt of this… It was scary to now have it within reach. What if I _was _actually dreaming? I'd die…

But when I kissed her, everything in my world fell into place… It was like of those ghost movies where furniture is lifted off the ground, hovering…. Then all at once, it all falls to the ground! It _was _real, she was real, and I _was _here. My heart clenched.

"I've missed you so much, my love…" I could hardly get the words past the lump in my throat. "So very, very much. Picturing you in my mind kept me alive, kept me from giving up, so many times. I couldn't just die…" She gasped at my admission and her eyes clouded with a memory that I hadn't been a part of, a memory I wasn't sure I _wanted _to be a part of.

"I nearly died without you… My heart did…" she cried.

"I'm so sorry, you'll never know how much. I'm so glad you held on for me Rose, so glad…"

"I need you…" _I need you too baby…_

"You have me. Forever."

I took my time, slowly reconnecting our hearts, souls and bodies with tender kisses and touches, whispered apologies and promises of better days ahead of us. Tomorrow, I would try to let her know how much our separation had changed me. Tomorrow I would let her know that I wanted to start the family she'd wanted so much, but my career forestalled. Tomorrow… tomorrow I would apologise for risking everything that meant so much to us and start showing her that from now on, _she _was the only thing in my life I would fight for.

I knew the scars of the last eight months would take a long time to heal, if ever, but I would be here every step of the way; I would never leave her side again… for anything.

Especially now… now that I had her back in my arms…

* * *

Sooooo? Natalie's a good girl in this one... Yay! But her father is still a creep, dictated by tradition... Anyway, to alleviate some of your fears, I will finish Achilles! I will NOT abandon it. I've just had a lot going on in RL and a major case of writers block with it and as you all know, writing can't be forced... (Especially with Achilles) So I want to thank you all for your patience...

Sandy xxx


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